From Emotional Healthy Spirituality
Interpretation Guide:Levels of Emotional Maturity
Emotional infant.
Like a physical infant,I look for other people to take care of me
more than I look to care for them.I often have difficulty in describing and experiencing
my feelings in healthy ways and rarely enter the emotional world of others.I am
consistently driven by a need for instant gratification,often using others as objects
to meet my needs,and am unaware of how my behavior is effecting/hurting them.
People sometimes perceive me as inconsiderate,insensitive,and self-centered.
Emotional children.
Like a physical child,when life is going my way and I am receiving
all the things I want and need,I am content and seem emotionally well-adjusted.
However,as soon as disappointment,stress,tragedy,or anger enter the picture,I quickly
unravel inside.I interpret disagreements as a personal offense and am easily hurt by
others.When I don’t get my way,I often complain,throw an emotional tantrum,withdraw,
manipulate,drag my feet,become sarcastic,or take revenge.I have difficulty calmly
discussing with others what I want and expect from them in a mature loving way.
Emotional adolescents.
Like a physical adolescent,I know the right ways I should
behave in order to “fit in”mature,adult society.I can feel threatened and alarmed inside
when I am offered constructive criticism,quickly becoming defensive.I subconsciously
keep records on the love I give out,so I can ask for something in return at a later
time.When I am in conflict,I might admit some fault in the matter,but I will insist
on demonstrating the guilt of the other party,proving why they are more to blame.
Because of my commitment to self-survival,I have trouble really listening to another
person’s pain,disappointments,or needs without becoming preoccupied with myself.
Emotional adults.
I can respect and love others without having to change them or
becoming critical and judgmental.I don’t expect anyone to be perfect in meeting my
relational needs,whether it be my spouse,parents,friends,boss,or pastor.I love and
appreciate people for who they are as whole individuals,the good and the bad,and
not for what they can give me or how they behave.I take responsibility for my own
thoughts,feelings,goals,and actions.When under stress,I don’t fall into a victim
mentality or a blame game.I can state my own beliefs and values to those who
disagree with me—without becoming adversarial.I am able to accurately self-assess
my limits,strengths,and weaknesses and freely discuss them with others.Deeply in
tune with my own emotions and feelings,I can move into the emotional worlds of
others,meeting them at the place of their feelings,needs,and concerns.I am deeply
convinced that I am absolutely loved by Christ,that I have nothing to prove.
Taken from Pete Scazzero with Warren Bird, The Emotionally Healthy Church (Grand
Rapids: Zondervan, 2003). For more information contact www.NewLifeFellowship.org
or www.EmotionallyHealthyChurch.com.
